Sailor Moon Gameshow
by Jiwwy
Summary: Some of you may be familiar with Sailor Family Feud. The sequel is Who Wants to Obtain the Silver Imperium Crystal. Oh yeah, PG13 for some cussing, mild making out, and full scale choas. And, I'd recommend that fans of Ami stay away from Chapter 2. What f
1. Sailor Family Feud!

Sailor Family Feud! MWA HAH!  
  
***  
  
Regis: Hello everybody and welcome to another fun game of Family Feud! … And… What the hell am I doing here?  
  
Jiwwy: Hi, um, that would be because I forgot who the host of Family Feud is.  
  
Regis: That's Richard Dawson, stupid!  
  
Jiwwy: (blinks) … Oooo, yeah! Thanks! Buh-bye! (Regis disappears, Richard Dawson appears in his place)  
  
Richard: (kisses Author)  
  
Jiwwy: Oo, thank you, but we'll save that for the Mamo-chan! Bye! (touches up lip gloss and runs off stage)  
  
Richard: (makes sure she's gone) (sighs happily) Okay! This week is the tournament of The Senshi! And now let's welcome our first team… the Inners! Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, and Minako!  
  
(All five appear in a jumble, giggling like, um, Japanese schoolgirls)  
  
Inners: Hi-yee, Richard!  
  
Richard: Hello, ladies! And now, the Outers! Please give a round of applause to Michiru, Haruka, Setsuna, and Hotaru!  
  
(All four look confused)  
  
Outers: There's only four of us! We need one more!  
  
Voice Offstage: Wait, here I come! (Mamoru runs from offstage) This crazy girl back there fainted when I tried to get past her…  
  
Usagi: Mamo-chan! You aren't playing against me, are you!? (bawls)  
  
Mamoru: It's just a game, Usa-ko! I'll play… WITH… you tonight!  
  
Usagi: (titters, blushes) Ooo, Mamo-chan!  
  
Richard: (kisses all the Inners but Rei, who threatens him with an ofuda, then all the Outers but Mamo-chan) Now! Let's play the Feud! Usagi, Michiru?  
  
(Usagi and Michiru run up to the podium, both very excited)  
  
Richard: Name something you dream about when you have private time!  
  
(Both Michiru and Usagi ring in at the same time) (Thinking she went first, both answer)  
  
Michiru & Usagi: Chocolate-covered Mamo-chan! (Michiru blushes, Mamoru and Haruka sweatdrop, and Usagi's odango flare)  
  
Usagi: WHAT was that, Michi-chan?  
  
Michiru: I'm sorry, Usa-ko!  
  
Usagi: (on verge of bawling again)  
  
Mamoru: Oh, Usa-ko! (runs up and hugs her while the audience looks under their chairs, where earmuffs have been placed for them just for this emergency)  
  
Voice from Rafters: BANZAI! (large-headed pink… thing lands on Usagi)  
  
Usagi: (shrieks) CHIBI-USA!  
  
Chibi-Usa: (politely) As the nice reviewers have pointed out, YOU ARE NOT AN INNER SENSHI! That means I'M PLAYING NOW!  
  
Usagi: (looks at Mamo pathetically, he pretends not to notice her) You aren't an Inner either, Chibi-Usa!!  
  
Chibi-Usa: I'm more of one than YOU!  
  
Usagi: THAT'S NOT TRUE! I'VE BEEN A SENSHI LONGER THAN YOU!  
  
(both sets of odango flare)  
  
Richard: Girls, girls!! Settle down, PLEASE!  
  
Mamoru: (finally intervening) Odango atama, let Chibi-Usa play and stop being so childish!  
  
Usagi: I! WANNA! PLAY!  
  
(Mamo glares)  
  
(All senshi sigh, various sweatdrops as Usagi sulks offstage)  
  
(Chibi-Usa grins triumphantly, then Usagi runs back on)  
  
Usagi: HAH, Chibi-Usa! This weird girl backstage just told me I could be on the Outers' team!  
  
Outers: Oh no!  
  
Mamoru: (quietly walks offstage)  
  
Jiwwy: (running onstage) No, no, not so fast, Mamo-chan! As much as I'd like to have you with me (grins) I want you to be Co-Host!!  
  
Mamoru: Gah… whatever…  
  
All Senshi: ARE WE DONE?  
  
Author: (thinks) (looks pointedly at Mamo, then Usagi, visibly shakes head) Yah, that's it. (goes back backstage)  
  
(All sigh happily)  
  
Richard: Now, we still don't know who had control last time. Judges? ... Okay! Inners' board! Now, can we seeeee.... Chocolate-Covered Mamo-Chan?!  
  
(dingding) (First slot turns over, revealing 86 points) (happy sighing heard backstage)  
  
Richard: NUMBER ONE ANSWER! (applause) And since Chibi-Usa hasn't gone yet, we'll start with her. (walks over and tries to kiss Chibi-Usa on the forehead but she squirms away and kisses Mamo on the lips)  
  
Mamoru: (shrieks) Chibi-Usa! Usa-ko is upset enough already!  
  
(Usagi is seen in corner, glaring furiously, odango somehow managing to turn ChibiChibi red with anger)  
  
Chibi-Usa: Sorry, Mamo-chan. (bats eyelashes kawaii-ly, audience 'awww's)  
  
Richard: Now, Chibi-Usa, what's something you dream about when you are alone?  
  
Chibi-Usa: (thinks) Being Mama!! (Usagi smiles, looking very proud) So I can marry Mamo-chan!!  
  
Mamoru: (blushes again)  
  
Usagi: (jumps over podium and runs toward Chibi-Usa, picks her up and places her in a spanking position)  
  
Richard: Ladies, please! This is a family show!!  
  
Usagi: (blushes) Sorry, Richard...  
  
Richard: Oy... Well... let's see, Being Mama!  
  
(pause as judges confer) (dingding) (last flap turns over, revealing "Being A Lady" for two points)  
  
Richard: Great job, Chibi-Usa! … Really… really great… (sighs sadly) (walks down to Ami) Hello, Ami! (kiss)  
  
Ami: (blushes) Hello, Richard!  
  
Richard: Name something you dream about when you are alone.  
  
Ami: Having an Intelligence Quotient of 596!!  
  
Richard: (Stares) Um. Okay. (Turns to board) Smaaart?  
  
(dingding) ('To be smart in the head place area thing' appears in the third slot for four points) (applause)  
  
Richard: Hello, Rei!  
  
Rei: (glares evilly)  
  
Makoto: Um, sorry about her, she kinda thinks you're evil.  
  
Richard: Um. How sweet! Do you have an answer, Rei?  
  
Rei: ... (glares) ... To...  
  
(Richard idly scratches his nose waiting for her answer)  
  
Rei: AHH! Aku Ryo Tai San!! (leaps up on podium and slaps the post-it note on his forehead)  
  
Richard: AHH! (falls over)  
  
(everyone stares)  
  
Rei: … WHAT?  
  
Ami: (finally) Rei, that wasn't considerate! (runs around podium to help him up)  
  
Minako: Yeah! It wasn't nice, either!  
  
(sweatdrops)  
  
Ami: Rei! You knocked him out!  
  
Author: (grins nefariously) Oh, I guess our co-host will have to host! (Mamo sweatdrops)  
  
*** 


	2. Who Wants to Obtain the Silver Imperium ...

Who Wants to Obtain The Silver Imperium Crystal?  
Sailormoon: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?  
Thanks to Castle Guard for inspiration ^_^  
The rules are basically the same, only for lack of creativity, there are only five questions.  
  
Richard Dawson: Oh come on!  
  
Author: (whiney voice) Whaaaaat?  
  
Richard: ...  
  
Author: FINE!  
  
(Richard disappears, Regis appears in his place)  
  
Regis: It's time to play- WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONARE?  
  
(bumbumbum)  
  
(The Ten Girl Senshi line up around the edges of the set behind the podiums)  
  
Author: (still up by hot seat) (bounces around nervously) Where the hell is Mamo-chan?  
  
Senshi: Well, There's usually ten people down here, and since we ARE the main characters...  
  
Author: ... Meh! (Outer Senshi disappear, Mamoru, Artemis, Naru, and Chibichibi appear in their places) There, see how much more interesting this will be! I love being the author. (runs offstage)  
  
Regis: (stares offstage for a while) Thank god.  
  
(Voice) I heard that! Don't push it, Philly!  
  
Regis: A-HEM! Time for the first Fastest finger question! Everyone ready? Put these choices in the correct order from first to last! The question is-Order these characters in chronological order from their first appearance!  
  
(Choices-Sailor Venus, Luna, Chibi Usa, Sailor Jupiter)  
  
(BUMBUMBUM)  
  
Regis: Now, let's see who got it right and in the fastest time!... Chibichibi?  
  
Chibichibi: CHIBI! Chibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibichibi!!  
  
Regis: (stares)... Quite! Let's begin!  
  
(Chibichibi takes place in hot seat, babbling kawaiily) CHIBAH!  
  
Regis: ... First question! For Sailor V's mask-(CHIBICHIBIchibichibi)-What are the main colors of Sailor Chibi Moon's Fuku?   
  
A. Black and Grey  
B. Navy and Orange  
C. Pink pink and pink  
D. Red and Blue  
  
Chibichibi: Chibi....... Chibichibichibi. Chib, I, chibichibi. (grins sweetly, audience 'awwww's)  
  
Regis: ... Uh, Final Answer?  
  
ChibiChibi: Chibichibi.  
  
Regis: Okay then.... THAT'S CORRECT FOR SAILOR V'S MASK!! (CHIBICHIB! CHI-BIII!) Next question-for Sailor Mercury's nifty computer thinger! What is the North American Dub Name of Momoko?  
  
A. Momo  
B. Peaches  
C. Melissa  
D. Who the hell knows, least of all the dubbers  
  
Chibichibi: Chibi. CHI-BI. CHIBI.  
  
Regis: *rolls eyes* Really. D, Final Answer.... THAT IS CORRECT FOR SAILOR MERCURY'S COMPUTER THINGER! (CHI! BI!) You're three questions away from The Silver Imperium Crystal! Question three- for Eternal Sailor Moon's henshin brooch-  
  
Usagi: What the HELL?  
  
Regis: What?  
  
Usagi: That's mine, you theif!  
  
Regis: MINE!  
  
Usagi: MINE!  
  
(A catfight breaks out, or rather bunny and dog fight) (Mamoru has to run out and break it up)  
  
Mamoru: (shaking finger at Regis) Regis! I'd've expected more from you! And Usagi-Um... BAD!  
  
(both cower, both have huge, tear filled eyes and quivering lips)  
  
Makoto: Aww, Now Mamoru, why'd you go and do that!  
  
Mamoru: I- I didn't mean to!  
  
Makoto: SURE YOU DIDN'T!  
  
(They get into it. Soon, Chibi Usa and Usagi have joined in on Mamoru's side and Rei is staring venomously at Regis, obviously sensing more game show host evil spirits. Minako has run out and found the cappuccino machine and this produces a Beavis-Cornholio effect. Naru manages to get attacked by an evil-doer of some sort as Artemis attempts to calm Minako, who has turned into Sailor V and is running screaming throughout the studio, scaring innocent bystanders)  
  
(After a few minutes, whereupon one of Usagi's odango has been unraveled, Rei's ofuda have been chucked repeatedly at Regis, Minako is lost for good, and Ami has hidden behind her podium, hacking into the question database, mumbling something along the lines of "more smart in head head must be smart yes big big head brain intelligence much learning," Regis remembers what they are supposed to be doing and composes himself.)  
  
(Regis smoothes hair and clears throat) Back to the game!  
  
ChibiChibi resumes position on hot seat, a wallet in hand)  
  
Regis: What the- how did you get that?  
  
(Chibichibi shrugs cutely and presently commences tearing it to shreds. She eats a quarter or two and rips more than a few twenty dollar bills and credit cards to itsy bitsy bits)  
  
(Regis catches a piece of plastic)   
  
Regis: THIS IS MY WALLET! Why you little-! (Makes a dash for Chibichibi but she waddles out as fast as her Chibichibi legs will carry her, waving the remaining pieces of the wallet exultantly. Regis follows her, panting with exaustion.)  
  
Author: ("surprised") Oh, no, I guess we will have to have Mamoru host... (grins)  
  
Mamoru: (stares) ... Fine!  
  
Author: (bounces away)  
  
Mamoru: Now, since our contestant has-made off with the host's wallet-we'll have another Fastest Finger Question! Put these enemies in order from Earliest to Latest!  
  
A. Mimette  
B. Amazoness Quartet  
C. Galaxia  
D. Malachite  
  
Mamoru: Now let's see who got it right in the fastest time-Ami Mizuno!  
  
Ami: (screams) I IS SMART!  
  
Mamoru: .... Yeah.  
  
(Ami walks up to hot seat)  
  
Mamoru: And now for your first question, for Sailor V's mask! Who was the last planetary Sailor Senshi to appear?  
  
A. Pluto  
B. Saturn  
C. Chibi Moon   
D. Mercury  
  
Ami: Hmm. I know that Pluto is the last planetoid from the sun which is actually a astral body named Sol, and that Mercury is the first. Saturn is the sixth. The moon isn't a luminous body nor a planetoid but it is the closest unconstrained satellite to the Earth, in spite of the fact that the Chibi Moon is without exception unascertained. In the present it is Saturday, which is denominated subsequent to Saturn, the Greek Deus that is often associated with dissolution or death. He was customarily portrayed holding a scythe, which is why other things homogeneous with death have said contrivance, by way of illustration, the Grim Reaper.   
  
Mamoru: (stare) Sure, um... Wanna use lifeline thingie?  
  
Ami: NO! I IS SMART!!  
  
Mamoru: Um... Sure.  
  
Ami: (concentrates for a few minutes) Speaking chronologically, I am compelled to say that A is my definitive choice.  
  
Mamoru: ... I'm sorry, the correct answer was Saturn.  
  
Ami: B-b-but... I'm SMART...  
  
Mamoru: (soothingly) I know. I know.  
  
Ami: (bawls)  
  
Usagi and ChibiUsa: (bawl in confusion)  
  
(Suddenly Chibichibi darts in from nowhere, giggling excitedly and still waving the pathetic remnants of the abused wallet. She bounces into Mamoru's arms and begins hiccuping and tittering uncontrollably. Usagi, who has just stopped howling, sees Mamoru patting the exuberant toddler. Her lip begins to quiver and she runs up and smacks Mamoru with the henshin brooch.)  
  
Usagi: MAMORU! You love her more than me!!  
  
Mamoru: Usagi, she's three years old!  
  
Usagi: (laments pitifully)  
  
Voice Offstage: HAI! (Sailor V appears, a white cat clinging for his dear life to her hind bow)   
  
(Mamoru begins to cuddle Usagi but is stopped by a jump kick to the side of the head by the masked super heroine. Rei has run off, sensing Regis' evil aura nearby. Ami is curled in the fetal position, mumbling 'I- I smartsmartKnowMuchintheheadI....' A huge bang is heard as Makoto makes out with a boom mic operator)  
  
Mamoru: T-that's all the t-time we... have... (holds head) See you next time on....  
  
(Usagi, ChibiUsa, Author, and Michiru [who has appeared out of nowhere] all run up and try to make out with Mamoru. Naru runs screaming past the cameras with at least a dozen assorted monsters-of-the-days after her. Rei screams her evil-be-gone-prayers as she clings to Regis' shoulders while he screams bloody murder. Minako dances around slapping people's butts with her love chain, giggling maniacally. Makoto and the boom mic operator fall on the floor and get a little too graphic for Millionaire. Throughout all the choas, Chibichibi prances adorably about the crowd, pausing every now and then to cough up a quarter [which she promptly eats again])  
  
Everyone: WHO WANTS TO OBTAIN THE SILVER IMPERIUM CRYSTAL!!  



End file.
